All our lives we are pushed to find our “soul mates” or “the one”. I’ve been lucky enough to find my one but it pains me to see people who are still on their journey to this person.
I see so many people out there who are in relationships that are completely toxic and they are too blinded by “love” to even realize it. I suppose it’s easier for me to recognize the toxicity because I’ve been there before. Sometimes I wish I could just shake them as say “LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!”.
If you find yourself consistently making excuses for your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend then you probably need to reanalyze your relationship.
For example, they cheated on you. You feel like your done, you break up, then they say everything you’ve ever wanted to hear (they love you, it will never happen again, it’s not what it looks like etc.). So you take them back. Then it happens again and the cycle starts all over again.
BUT YOU LOVE THEM! Right?
What about you? What about how you feel? How did they turn you into this person? The mistrust, the anger, the sadness that never really goes away… but you love them, so you stay.
When they hit you or make you feel as small as an ant. When they take everything you ever dreamed of and make you feel like it’s a mistake to think you could ever be better than you are now. When you make excuse after excuse for them being a complete idiot. Oh, “he didn’t mean to hit me, he had a hard day at work” or “she isn’t always this way, it’s been stressful for her to adjust”.
Even worse than all of this abuse, is if you find yourself staying with them out of pity. Maybe it’s not them but it really is you. You don’t believe in them, or your constantly breaking up with them because they can’t meet the standards you have set. What happens when you can’t get passed who they are or what they need? When their needs exceed what you can actually give them?
What happens when you can’t stand the thought of going home? When you find yourself hiding things? When you can’t have a civil conversation with your spouse without world war 3 breaking out? When you become the abuser?
All of these are signs that you need to run.
Love is not enough to cover your hurt.
Love is not enough to hide the lies.
Love is not enough to change them or you.
Love is not enough to fill the holes in your relationship.
Love is not enough to keep you fighting.
Love is not enough to make you stay.
Love is not enough alone.
To make your relationship work you must have trust, loyalty, honesty, dignity, respect, strength and endurance. Without these, nothing will work or get better.
Love is a truly beautiful thing when it is right. It can move mountains. Love can make you better than you ever imagined being. Love can ignite passions we never knew existed. Love can make us whole but we must be careful to remember that alone love is not enough.